no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
