And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
