I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
