i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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