so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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