guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
