look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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