all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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