she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
