i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
