enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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