Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
