So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You left your phone here
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