Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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