I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
