Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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