Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can vaginas get frostbite?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
