Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
