so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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