where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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