for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize