Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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