I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
