just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
