1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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