So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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