i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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