Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
