ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
