he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
