He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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