this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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