I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
