I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
