i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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