I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
