yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
