I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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