it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
