im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
should my penis look like a turkey
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
