we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
