im having a threesome with these popsicles
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
