just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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