operation harelip BJ is a go
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
