His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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