My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
