That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
