Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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