A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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