so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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