i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
