i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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