I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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