Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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