just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
