he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
