why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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