I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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