I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
