fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
