No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
