When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
