I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize