It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
