I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
