i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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