it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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