HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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