I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I won the penis lottery.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
