Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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