i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
