You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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