She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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