I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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