Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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