Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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