just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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