can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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