So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A+ Viking dick
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
