I cut my penus on the lid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
